Perfectionism can be debilitating. It keeps us in a state of high anxiety, worrying over how we’ll never live up to someone else’s expectations (or even our own), that we’ll be found out to be a fraud, or that we’ll never recover if we make a mistake.
Perfectionism prevents us from getting things done – and enjoying ourselves as we complete our tasks. Here are my top five ways to break the cycle of worrying and start enjoying life.
1) Set realistic expectations – Have you ever started a project only to realize a little while into it that you’ve bitten off more than you could chew? Before starting your next project, ask yourself whether your goal or expectation is reasonable. Could someone else in your shoes hope to accomplish it? If not, break it down into something more manageable. You can always increase the scope of the project later when you have more time and resources to devote. For now, focus on the next mission critical step and devote your attention solely to this phase until it’s completed. Then, you can tackle phase 2.
2) Give yourself credit for what you have accomplished – When you set goals, it’s easy to focus on the fact that you have not yet achieved them. Instead, focus on all the mini-accomplishments and milestones you have accomplished on your path to achieving your goals. Success is a journey, not a destination.
3) Accept that mistakes are part of the journey – No matter what you set out to achieve, you’ll find that there were always things you could have done better. Instead of dwelling on could-have-beens and should-have-beens, learn from them and move on. Mistakes are opportunities for personal growth.
4) If you’re stuck, seek help – No one but you expects you to know all the answers. The best athletes have coaches and the best business minds have mastermind groups precisely for this reason. Sometimes you’re too close to the problem and need an outsider’s perspective to help you take a step back.
5) Focus on the present – Too often, we spend our time worrying about past things we can’t change or future things that will never happen. Instead, focus on the present moment. How can you make what you need to do enjoyable now? What would make you feel good in this moment? Perhaps it’s visualizing how you’ll feel when the project is done or knowing how your work will have helped someone else.
As a friend of mine likes to say, “Good is great but done is better.” The trick is to get out of your head and take action towards completing your task or goal. Action leads to feedback and new perspectives. And you’ll often find that it wasn’t as bad as you thought and that 99% of what you worried might happen didn’t.
What are your best ways to silence your inner critic? Feel free to add your suggestions in the comments below.
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agree,
passion to achieve the goal and fear to fail make perfectionist born
Hi, nice post thanks.
I try asking myself “what would I say to someone else in this situation?”
(I am always much more constructive, helpful, kind, empathetic etc to other people than I am to myself) I find this question helps to soften if not silence the inner critic
Joanna
Agree with those list. No.5, just do your best today, it works for me.
I consider myself as a mild perfectionist. Why mild? Is because I have somehow overcomed half of this with the help of some basic self-help books that I have read.
There were times that my perfectionist attitude tend to get in the way of work. Especially on dead lines. Most of the time, I feel that I am not satisfied of my work which is why I still try to perfect it.
Thanks for your post.
If you have time, why don’t you drop by my post:
http://mobileko.blogspot.com/2007/05/snatch-top-5-tips-on-how-to-be.html
It’s also an entry for the problogger top 5- group writing project. ^^ Goodluck to us all!
This is a cool article. I’m a total perfectionist and these tips are an interesting approach. My instinct though is always not to STOP being a perfectionist, but to become a more PERFECT perfectionist, ha ha.
Cool concept for an article though!
“Give yourself credit for what you have accomplished”
I always do, even if its a little itty bitty here and there. It all helps in the end.
Check out my group project blog post as well.
Very nice! I especially like the section about mistakes. Rick Warren, lead pastor of Saddleback Church, says he expects his staff to make *at least* one new mistake a week. Note the *new* there. If they’re not making mistakes, they’re not forging into new territory. It’s when they make the same ones over and over that there might be an issue.
Groovy post!
My perfectionism can be quite debilitating. I won’t attempt something that I know I would enjoy because I’m so crippled by my fear of failure, or looking stupid, or self-doubt. However, I really like #2. I will try and give myself more credit for my accomplishments as I’m trying to reach a goal. That sounds like it would really help me to trust myself and have more fun. Thanks for a great post!
The more children you have, the less anal you can afford to be. But I’ll let you read about that at my 5 things… (I’ll just say it involves bras and crawfish in the same post)
Well, I never try to be perfectionist.
Your 5 steps looks good and come to think of it, I do have those 5 steps in way of life.
Linking to you … great list!
Great post Krista! As a recovering perfectionist, I can certainly relate to your post. I’ve written a couple of posts about perfectionism too — How to tame your inner critic and Is perfectionism your prison or your past?. My submission to the Group Writing Project is 5 essential skills for blogging success. Now, I’m done, which, as your friend says is better than “great.”
My Irish Catholic background programmed me for perfectionistic thinking but it’s exhausting. I am in recovery! Thanks for a great article. My friends call me MJ.
Bryn Mawr, PA
I’m an extreme perfectionist, to the point that I scream when I get 99% out of something (especially when it’s 99%..)
And it’s not until today that I truly understand what #3 is all about..
Hi,
Thanks for the tips. I’ve always been an avid perfectionist, almost obsessive compulsive, just small things get on my nerves, if I set up a username on a website for example, it can’t have numbers, and it has to be the same as every other username. I can’t stand little bits of clutter, I can’t stand being a perfectionist! But this has helped a bit, thanks a lot.
Jonathan. x
I have probably been a perfectionist all my life but there was one major situation that has made me an extreme perfectionist. It’s so debilitating! I can easily talk myself out of doing anything that would benefit me or bring me happiness or contentment. The saddest thing is I have helped people move on to better things in their lives with my advice. Talk about a vicious circle.
Thank you for taking the time to write on the subject. You have provided some really excellent ideas that are not overwhelming to me. Thanks:)
hi
thanks that was so great and impressive and i think i’m gonna work it out what i’ve got to say that if you’re realy a perfectionist you must try to be a more perfect perfectionist(just as Biana has said) but an ACTIVE one!!!and also i agree with Tantowi that if focus to do our best for the day it can help a lot…
thank you.
I am an academic perfectionist. People ask me how I’m able to always, not just do well, but exceed WAY above average in things like honors algebra and calculus, reading, science, an so forth. IT kind of makes me who I am, and it defines me. Perfectionism has kind of taken over, and its why I accomplish half the stuff I accomplish. Being a “piano paragon” and stuff, constant winer of power of the pen–I’m just not sure I”m ready to let go of it! It sounds weird, though? Is that even possible? And I’ve tried these things, but the perfectionist side of me kicks in. I’m not trying to please anyone but myself, and nothing I do is good enough for me. I do like where this article is going. If I could just have a little more in detail things, that would help. THANKS!!!!!!!!!