I am good at setting goals and deciding what I want. But I never seem to take action. I’ve been considering changing jobs from a career as a banker to become a motivational speaker for youth and young graduates. The demand of the job is much and I find it hard to make significant progress. I have organized one training and talked once as an invited speaker at a university but that was since last year. Got any advice for me?

My Reply

Action is everything. If you aren’t taking it, look at the reasons why you are holding back. Is it fear? Do you have other priorities that come before this? Does it seem like your goal is “too big” to accomplish, so why bother? What do you tell yourself? When trying to accomplish a big goal:

1. Decide what the outcome should be. What does your final destination look like? How often will you speak to students? What kinds of training do you provide?
2. Set milestones. Don’t worry about making a living at this just yet. Instead, focus on booking one engagement or doing one training. Just one. Then, plan out your steps for achieving this goal.
3. Conquer your fears. If this is your life’s purpose, realize you must conquer your own fears if you want to make a difference in other people’s lives. Write down all the fears that are holding you back – do you feel failure, imperfection, success or that others will judge you? Any time we step outside our comfort zone and try something new, we will have fears. That’s natural. But you can’t let those fears hold you back. By acknowledging your fears, you can remove the power you have attached to them.
4. Turn fears into positive affirmations. How can you take your fears and negative self-talk and turn it into something positive. Create positive affirmations you can tell yourself whenever you feel afraid. How can you respond to your own internal dialog so that you feel proud, enthusiastic or successful about what you are trying to accomplish?
5. Hold yourself accountable. If you really want to do something, find a way to hold yourself accountable. Tell others your dreams. Find a support group. Figure out how you can partner with others to make this happen. Decide you will do something crazy if you don’t achieve your next milestone (shave your head, donate a large amount of money to a charity you dislike, etc). Check out stickk.com to help you be accountable.
6. Lighten up. This should be fun. Whenever something feels too big or too difficult, we have a tendency to take it way too serious. Relax and laugh at yourself. All these thoughts and emotions are things you are creating in your own mind.

I have a strange problem. I am a musician who formally studied classical guitar and piano. When I am alone, I play well but when I play in front of people, I feel intimidated and don’t play my best. I have tried affirmations and ways to relax, be self confident, and so on, but nothing seems to work. Composing is my strong area not public performance. I do realize that it is my responsibility as a musician to overcome this problem and give a good performance to my audience. Do you know of any solutions to overcome this?

My Answer

Lots of people fear public speaking or performing, so you aren’t alone in your fear. However, as you have realized, this fear can hold you back from achieving your goals. Here are a few tips:

1. Mindset is everything. Performing in public is a skill that can be learned. Lots of people have overcome this fear and learned to feel comfortable – or even enjoy – performing in front of a crowd. You can too. It just takes practice.
2. Don’t strive for perfection. You don’t have to be perfect. Your audience won’t crucify you if you make a mistake. Realize that their purpose is to enjoy themselves and have a good time, not criticize the entertainer. If you play original works, they probably won’t even realize you hit a wrong note or messed up your tempo.
3. Take small steps. Start out with small groups of people first. As you become more comfortable and confident, play for larger crowds.
4. Focus on your life purpose. If spreading your music is your life purpose, accept that you must overcome your fears to make this happen. Then, do whatever it takes to achieve this.
5. Learn to laugh at yourself. Everyone makes mistakes. You can either beat yourself up about it or accept you aren’t perfect and laugh it off. Even if you have a terrible performance, you can always use it as a funny story to tell people when you are famous. “When I was just starting out, I was deathly afraid of performing in public. In fact, one time…” Own your mistakes so they don’t own you.

The only way I know to overcome a fear of public speaking is to make yourself do it over and over. As you practice, you will figure out what works for you and become more comfortable in front of people. Yes, at first, you will have anxiety towards this, but summon your courage to conquer this fear – and do it. The more you do it, the easier it will be.

Analyze Yourself

This is apparent in how you appear when you go out. If you are feeling good about yourself, you wear something nice, smile, and make eye contact with people – thus sending out positive vibes. If you are consumed by your thoughts and worries, you tend to throw on whatever is available and remain internally focused when out and about.

You can tell whenever you are talking with someone and they suddenly seem like they are no longer there – as if they were following your conversation up to a point, but then you lost them. Often, you can also tell when you’ve just said something that your conversational partner found offensive or disagreed with – their body language radically shifts.

Many times, we aren’t even aware of how we present ourselves to others. We don’t realize that changes in tone or body language come across as dramatically as they can. We can’t see ourselves slouching, crossing our arms, leaning away from the person, and assuming other defensive body positions. Yet the person we speak with can sense our vibes. They can tell when we are angry or annoyed or distracted – even if we are halfheartedly trying to fake being interested.

If you want to attract your soul mate, start by looking at yourself. What image do you present to people? If you can, video tape a conversation between you and a friend and take notes. Do you look confident and attractive? Do you put out the right vibes that say you are a warm, funny, caring individual? Do you have any quirks or nervous habits that you can change?

Inventory Your Relationships

Next, take a brief inventory of the different relationships that are currently in your life. Which relationships support and encourage you? Which are negative and critical? If you have more negative than positive relationships in your life, ask yourself why you attract and are attracted to negative people.

Now, think about those positive relationships you have. What attracts you to those people? What do you enjoy and appreciate most about them?

Get completely clear about both the negative qualities you don’t want to attract and the positive qualities you do want to attract. Shift your focus and attention so that whenever you see those positive qualities in people you meet, you befriend them.

Attract Your Soul Mate

How can you apply this to attracting your soul mate? Start by building a list of all the negative characteristics you’ve experienced in your previous relationships. This is the list of things you don’t want – or potential deal breakers – in your next relationship. If a number of your previous mates shared similar negative characteristics like ignoring you, bad communicator, pessimistic, no job, travels too much, etc, perhaps you can uncover a pattern and stop yourself from dating the next guy who fits in with your exes.

Now, create a list of all the positives you want in your relationship. What do you want? What are the positive qualities you need to feel loved, cherished, admired, and respected?

Finally, take a hard look at yourself. Often the things we are most critical about in others are things we do ourselves. Are you emitting positive vibes? Do you meet all your requirements for having a positive, loving relationship? Or do you still harbor baggage and bad feelings towards people in your past?

You will attract that which you focus on, so if you want the ideal relationship with The One, you must live your life to its fullest. Forgive and let go of any negativity you still hold on to or that will become an obstacle to attracting your soul mate.

Too Good to Be True

But with anything that “sounds too good to be true,” there is often a catch. The catch with the law of attraction is just what you think it is – if you aren’t serious about manifesting your goals into reality, they will simply stay dreams. All of us can right now envision someone handing us a sack full of $100 bills without too much trouble – doesn’t it feel good to reach into the bag and pull out a handful of Benjamins? Think about everything you can do with that money – how are you feeling? Have you already spent a good chunk of that dough? Do you feel relieved? Does it solve all – or at least most – of your problems?

I’m guessing you had no problem envisioning your sack full of money, but just because you visualized it doesn’t mean it magically manifested in front of you. It’s nice to think that might happen – but most of us don’t expect a bag of cash to land in our laps today. So it’s not enough to think and feel positively about something but that’s a good place to start.

How to Use the Law of Attraction

So how do you start manifesting things into your life? The secret is two-fold:

1. Write down all the things you want to manifest into your life. Now, order them by priority.
2. Commit to taking action to achieve your #1 priority.

Each day, visualize yourself having achieved or manifested your #1 priority into your life. Then, take one action towards making that happen. Positive thinking will only get you so far – you still have to take action.

How to Meditate

As humans, we are emotional creatures, so it’s easy to get caught up in our emotions to the detriment of everything else. If something bad happens, we lose ourselves in worry, fear and negative thinking. Only later can we take a step back and realize we were blowing things out of proportion.

A good way to take back control of your emotions and to keep focused is to start meditating daily. Meditating is the practice of sitting still and counting your breaths as you let go of any thoughts you might have. Anyone can meditate – just sit down somewhere and become aware of your breath. Try to sit as still as possible and not think about anything for 10-15 minutes. If thoughts arise (and they will!), label them “thinking” and let them go. Come back to your breath.

Using the law of attraction in your life isn’t difficult, but it does take focus. What do you want to create today? What action can you take right now to get you started?

Law of Attraction and Wishes

I’m a firm believer in setting goals and taking action, so to me, the main reason why the law of attraction isn’t working for someone is in how they think about life. If they are simply wishing for something, then that’s all it is. However, if they feel that their desire is the next logical step in their life, they are passionate about it, and it just “feels” right – then they “know” it will happen.

You can wish all year for a new car, yet that doesn’t mean it will appear – especially if you don’t have the cash or credit to buy one.

Making Positive Changes to Manifest Your Desires

On the other hand, when you are motivated to make changes to your life, you know what must be done and you take the next step to get there. That may be getting married, having a baby, applying to college, switching careers, starting a business, relocating to a new city, taking time off to travel, or whatever major change you desire. When you do it, you just “know” this is the time and that you will make things happen. You are motivated to do what it takes to make things work.

There’s a sense of certainty about it. You just “know” this is what you should be doing – though you might not know how to make it happen yet – and feel good about it, so you take focused action to manifest that desire.

So the question becomes – what is it that you really want to make happen in your life? For example, if you want to lose weight, find a diet you can do and commit to sticking with it for 90 days. If you want to make more money, commit to starting a part time business. If you want to buy a new car, open a savings account specifically for that car and start putting a portion of your paycheck into it.

You can think and dream big – but make sure you are willing to take the necessary steps to manifest your desires. If this is really what you are passionate about manifesting, it’s only a matter of time.

Personally, I don’t believe that the law of attraction is magical or supernatural. To me, it’s just another perspective on setting and achieving goals. So, if you aren’t getting the results in your life, don’t give up!

Seek Out Opportunities

Of course, that doesn’t mean with a snap of your fingers, a million dollars will fall into your lap. You can’t manifest money that way. But you can look for ways to provide more value and get paid for the value you provide.

Think about it – most people would rather complain about how unfairly they are being treated at work, how they got passed over for a promotion, how they deserve to make more money, than to actually do something about it. They’d rather wish things were different than take action.

It may very well be that you can’t make any more money at your job. Rather than trying to get blood from a stone, you can change your mindset. Stop complaining about your job, and take action to change your lifestyle, such as finding a better job, starting a part-time business, or gaining the skills that would net them a higher salary.

Understand Your Motivations and Desires

This is where so many people become stuck with the law of attraction. They want things to manifest exactly according to their wishes. But often, we have motivations that lie beneath those wishes – and those motivations inspire our true desires. Does it really matter how we get more money if the end result is thousands of dollars more? (Within reason, of course – I’m not advocating illegal activity here!)

It’s not that there is a “right” formula to manifest your desires. Rather, it’s about taking action steps towards your goals, overcoming obstacles, and being persistent. The secret to knowing if you are on the right path or not is to analyze your emotions – manifesting should feel joyous rather than frustrating. It should feel like this is the next step in your life. And you should feel passionate and energized when you think of your new lifestyle and the abundance you will bring.

If where you are currently seems like a chore or a shot in the dark, perhaps you aren’t yet on the right path. Explore your desires further and really become clear about what you want and why you want it. When you understand the “why,” that will motivate you to take action.

So what has been the secret to my success? Honestly, the secret to manifesting anything is simply this: stay focused, be positive, and prioritize your actions. That’s it.

Don’t Just Wish – Manifest It

Many of The Secret teachers tell you that you simply need to visualize what you want then allow the Universe to deliver. While I wish things were that simple, unfortunately, you must commit to change how you do things and then stay focused on taking those baby steps towards your goals.

You can wish for things to change all you want – wish you had a million dollars, that your husband paid more attention to you, that your kids listened better, that you had a more fulfilling career, etc – but those things are just wishes until you commit to modifying your life and making a positive change for the better.

Change Your Life

Everyone has the potential to change, but most people don’t. They go through this process of thinking about changing, making a half-hearted attempt to change, feeling ambiguous about the change when they don’t see immediate results, going back to their old patterns and being unhappy, finally deciding to commit 100% to change, and then following through with action.

It can take a lot of time to build the momentum to finally commit to changing your lifestyle. Usually, something happens that puts the fear of God in you and you realize that if you don’t change, things will become increasingly worse. There’s usually a trigger – like massive financial debt, serious health problems, a divorce or a death in the family – that spark your desire to commit to changing your life.

Humans aren’t preventative by nature. They’d rather hit the ground running and deal with the consequences than do a bit of risk management upfront. So while we all have the potential to change, often we need a swift kick in the bum to actually do something.

Yet that swift kick is often the result of our fears getting the better of us, rather than our joy and passions motivating us to live the best life we can. With the law of attraction, whatever you focus on manifests, so if your fears are driving you, you will continue to manifest more negativity in your life.

You’ve got to decide that you can be happy where you are and that you are inspired to take action – to become a better human being – because you want to… because it makes you feel great… because it’s your life purpose. Not because you fear the consequences of not changes.

Take Inspired Action

The magical secret to manifesting is simply taking inspired action. Just do it. Start now. Whatever you’ve been procrastinating doing, go get it done. The Secret teachers may tell you to wait for divine inspiration – but truthfully, you won’t change until you get started. You’ve got to overcome that initial inertia and build some momentum – and the only way you can do that is to take action.

Find some inspirational CDs if you need to – I’m currently listening to Tony Robbin’s Personal Power II and the 11 Forgotten Laws. And while I don’t agree with everything they say, I find I’m much more motivated to continue after listening to them.

Stop waiting for that sign or divine inspiration. Stop betting on potential. And start taking action. Nothing will change until you decide to start on the path towards your goals.

Yet, as I mentioned in yesterday’s post, one of the main issues many of us have with the law of attraction is “allowing” things to manifest. We may feel we want something badly, but end up sabotaging ourselves because deep down, we don’t feel we deserve it.

What Are Your Core Beliefs About Hard Work and Money?

This gets into your philosophy on hard work, money, and having things. In past generations, people had to work hard for small wages to make a living. They did their trade every day knowing that if they put in their time and were loyal employees, their company would take care of them in retirement. Or maybe they were tradesmen – fishermen, factory workers, housekeepers, farmers, seamstresses, and so on – for whom hard work was a fact of life.

How you view having your desires comes from those values instilled within you from your family, friends, and social circle. If you believe that nothing comes freely in life or that if you want something, it’s up to you to put in the hard work to achieve it – then perhaps you are inadvertently sabotaging yourself from feeling worthy enough to have what you want.

With the law of attraction, there is the principle that you must allow your desires to manifest.

I’m not saying hard work, dedication and focus aren’t required to manifesting your desires, but you must also accept that you are good enough and valued enough to be worthy to receive whatever it is you desire. If you don’t believe you deserve a better career or relationship or more money, you will actually prevent yourself from getting those things.

Allowing Your Desires to Manifest

It’s easy to say “allowing” is simply wishing something will happen. You can visualize your desire and ask the universe for it – but then what? I think it really depends on what motivates you most. Some people do best when they write down their goals and then forget about them for a few months. Others need that constant motivation from daily reviewing their goals and seeing their progress.

There is a difference between hard work and inspired action. Just because you work hard at something doesn’t mean that is the quickest, easiest, straight-forward way to achieve your goals. You don’t have to work hard – but you do have to work smart and focus on the highest and best use of your time. You can do all sorts of things, but if you don’t focus on doing the critical tasks involved in getting from where you are to where you want to be, it will take you a lot longer to get there.

How To Manifest Your Desires

So let’s talk about how to allow our desires to manifest.

1. Let go of “how” – As I said, often, the quickest and easiest way to achieving your goals isn’t in how you think you should do it. It may take a radically different approach that you haven’t thought of yet. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t start on your path to creating your reality – it just means you should be open to other possibilities and opportunities that may come along that will, in essence, give you a shortcut towards your goals.
2. Let go of “when” – We live in a society that wants instant gratification. If we take action and don’t see results in a week or two, we become frustrated and give up. Manifestation can take time and patience. When you focus on “not having” or “wanting,” you start focusing on all those negative emotions you feel rather than remaining optimistic and positive and enjoying your life for what it is right now.
3. Express gratitude – It can be difficult to find joy and beauty when it seems like everything is going wrong with our lives, but whatever we focus on, we attract. The more grateful and appreciative you are, the more things you will find to be grateful and appreciative of. One of my favorite quotes by the Dalai Lama is:

   “Everyday, think as you wake up, ‘today I am fortunate to have woken up, I am alive, I have a precious human life, I am not going to waste it. I am going to use all my energies to develop myself, to expand my heart out to others, to achieve enlightenment for the benefit of all beings, I am going to have kind thoughts towards others, I am not going to get angry or think badly about others, I am going to benefit others as much as I can.’”

Take a moment today to appreciate the good things in your life. Over time, you will develop a gratitude mindset and start to attract more good things into your life. Let go and relax – take a deep breath – and if you feel inspired to act, take action!

Esther Hicks on Allowing

Just for reference, here’s Esther Hicks explaining the concept of allowing.

While, yes, I agree that science says we are all made up of protons, neutrons, and electrons in constant motion, I have a difficult time believing that my thoughts can change how, specifically, all those particles that make up my body vibrate. It’s one of the reasons I find the science behind The Secret somewhat hokey.

Power of Thought

That said, I think metaphorically, the law of attraction is accurate. As the teachers say, “like attracts like” and that you are a magnet who draws to you those things you think and feel. If you tend to look at the world positively, you will notice all the good in your life. If you are pessimistic, all the bad in your life will take center stage. While I wouldn’t chalk that up to “vibrational energies,” there is a sense of alignment to it.

We are creatures of habit, so everything we do is aligned with how we think. If we choose to eat junk or fast food rather than healthy foods, that is the choice we are most comfortable making in the here-and-now. If we choose to stay in a poor job or mediocre relationship, it is because we are aligned with fear rather than bettering ourselves and attracting better things into our lives.

Are You Motivated By Reward or Fear?

Just today, I was listening to a speaker explain that we are twice as likely to be motivated by fear than by reward. We tend to overestimate how much fear and uncertainty the unknown will provide, so we waiver – should we really leave our current job or relationship? What if this is as good as it gets? Is the devil we know really better than what we could have?

When you start to use the law of attraction in your life, you must become aware of these limiting beliefs. If you fear the unknown, yet you want something completely outside of your comfort zone, chances are, you will sabotage yourself before your desire manifests. That’s the principle of alignment – if you don’t believe you are worthy of receiving your desires, then you won’t be.

How to Use the Law of Attraction

Here are a few suggestions for putting the law of attraction into your life:

1. Focus your attention – With so many things competing for our attention each day, we tend to filter out what isn’t relevant in our lives. But as soon as we focus on something, we find references everywhere. You see this if you buy a new car – suddenly, you notice how many other people have the same make and model. Or if you plan a vacation – suddenly, there is information about your destination of choice everywhere you look. The truth is, this stuff has always been there – you just didn’t notice.

   The more you focus your attention on what you really want, the quicker you will find a way to get there. Attention equals priorities. Thinking about your desires is what eventually leads you to take massive action. If it’s out of sight, it’s out of mind – but if it becomes a daily habit, it’s now a priority.

2. Think positively – Much as been written about the value of positive thinking. Henry Ford once said, “Whether you think you can or you can’t, you’re right.” If you think you can’t manifest your desires, you won’t. Alternatively, if you believe you can and commit to achieving your goals, you will.
3. Don’t worry, be happy - Cue the music! You can worry yourself sick but that won’t actually change the situation. We often worry about things outside our control – and our thoughts can consume us. But if you actually think about the benefits you get from worrying about any situation – there really aren’t any. You aren’t proving that you care more about the person or are more committed to making things work because nothing actually happens.

   Instead, focus on what makes you feel good – and I don’t mean giving into vices and escape mechanisms. Do healthy, positive activities and be content to find happiness in your life right now. No matter how bad you think your life is, somewhere, there must be something to be grateful for – even if that’s just that you are still breathing and alive. Start with the small things, and each day focus on something new you are grateful for.

Manifesting your desires requires commitment and focus to achieve your goals. By making a committed decision to pursue what you want, you can positively affect your reality. Wherever your attention is – that’s what you are focused on manifesting.

The truth is that you will never succeed at achieving your goals unless you become clear about what you want, become motivated enough to change your life, and create a solid plan of action to achieve your goals. Without these three things, your goals will remain elusive dreams and wishes. Here are 4 steps to achieving your goals.

Clarify What You Want

It is virtually impossible to hit a moving target, so your first step is to decide what, exactly, you want to achieve. What do you want? Be as specific as possible about what your desired end result looks like.

If you want to start a business, what does your business sell? How many employees do you have? What do you do on a day-to-day basis? How much money do you bring in?

If you want a particular lifestyle, what does it look like? Describe your house, your car, your career, or whatever you want. What does your daily schedule look like? What do you do for fun?

Until you can visualize yourself having attained that goal, it’s just a dream or a wish. Day dream. Put together a vision board with all the images you want to manifest in your life. Become extremely clear about what, exactly, you want.

Commit Resources

Achieving your goals takes planning and committed effort. Think of it like building a house. At first, all you have is a rough idea of what you want. Then, you work with an architect or builder to develop a complete house plan and move closer to your goal. The same is true of creating a different lifestyle or successful business.

But creating the life you’ve dreamed of doesn’t come without dedication. If you want to create a successful business, you must put in the hours it will take to build momentum. If you want to write a novel, that may mean less recreational time. Spending more time with your children may mean adjusting your work schedule.

Whatever you decide you want must become a priority in your life so that you do make time for it.

Take Consistent Daily Action

If you want to achieve your goals faster, you must commit time each day to work towards them. It takes 3-4 weeks to form a new habit, so if you take action each day, after a month of consistent focus, you will have created a new habit.

The best way to achieve your goals is to make them daily habits. You may find that at first, you struggle with changing your daily behaviors, but as you do the behavior over time, it gets easier and easier until it becomes automatic. If you want to write a novel, commit to writing a certain amount of words per day. If you want to grow your business, commit to making a specific number of sales each week. Then hold yourself accountable.

Don’t let your goals get pushed aside while you focus on your daily tasks and distractions. Obstacles will arise. It’s up to you to stay on course each day.

Be Passionate

Whenever you feel like giving up or not doing your daily action towards achieving your goal, go back to your vision of why you wanted to achieve that goal in the first place. Inject some passion into your life. That intense desire will keep you motivated and help you overcome your mind’s rationalizations and doubts.

If you aren’t passionate about your goals, chances are, you don’t really want them. Perhaps you feel you should achieve something, or your friends and family want you to achieve it – but it really isn’t a priority deep down.

For instance, I struggled for a few years with thinking I should buy a house. My friends were buying houses while I still lived in an apartment. Yes, I wanted to move, but I didn’t feel ready to settle down and commit to a long term mortgage. Now, I’m glad I didn’t buy a house because I’m looking to start traveling next summer. Traveling feels right. Buying a house didn’t.

So consider – is your goal something you really want? If so, commit to taking one small action each day, and over time, you will find you’ve made considerable progress.

You can manifest your desires in your life. The secret is to figure out exactly what you want, then pursue it passionately. Don’t just dream about it – do it! Make it happen!