1. Stop labeling yourself a “failure” – Everyone makes mistakes. The key is to learn from those mistakes rather than beat yourself up with all of the shoulda, woulda, couldas. You are not a failure. Maybe the action you took or failed to take didn’t work out – but failing is part of the learning process. Those who are most successful failed many times before they got to where they are today.
2. Evaluate what went wrong - Rather than berating yourself, look at the situation for constructive feedback. Why did things go wrong? What did you learn? What could you do differently?
3. Re-evaluate your goals – Now that you’ve learned from your experience, do you still want to achieve what you set out to do? Why or why not? Spend time journaling to figure out what you really want and brainstorm action steps you can take to move closer to those goals.
4. Don’t compare yourself to others – Though it’s tempting to look at others and think the grass is greener elsewhere, keep in mind that each person is on their own personal journey. No matter how great someone else’s life looks from the outside, you don’t know what’s going on inside their head. There life might not be as wonderful as you think it is. Instead, focus on yourself and achieving your own goals. Use others’ successes as inspirations to help motivate you.
5. Surround yourself with encouraging people – Many people go through life complaining and looking at all that is wrong with the world. These people can be energy drains. A better approach is to find people who have already achieved your goals and befriend them. Look for a coach or mentor. Cut out negative influences and surround yourself with others who will support you.
6. Be persistent – While many marketers will have you believe that you will be wildly successful, instantly liked, and super rich by buying their product, it’s rare to experience instant success. Be prepared to put in the work to get where you want to be.

Overcoming failure means evaluating what doesn’t work and what you shouldn’t keep doing if you want to experience different results. You might not know exactly how to correct the problem or what the next best step is, but you now have the benefit of hindsight to help guide your path forward.

1. Pursue worthy dreams – Set goals that give you a sense of purpose and make you feel good when you take action towards achieving them. Make a list of how achieving this goal will change your life and read through your reasons each day.
2. Build self confidence – Believe you can achieve your goals. Make a list of all your prior accomplishments and what you did to make your dreams a reality. Each success will give you the confidence to move forward with your current pursuit.
3. New perspectives – Be willing to consider things from other perspectives. Read books, watch movies, and talk to people who have differing beliefs than yours.
4. Passions – Set goals you are passionate about achieving and that make you happy during your journey, not just when you achieve them.
5. Relationships – Enjoy spending time with your family and friends whenever you can.
6. Push yourself – Yes, the road to success is paved with setbacks, but push yourself to make the extra effort to overcome challenges. When you work hard towards something, success is sweeter.
7. Beware of toxic people – You only awaken with so much energy each day. Don’t let the negativity of others dampen your spirits.
8. Be authentic – Take the high road towards your goals rather than cheating, lying or undermining others.
9. If at first you don’t succeed – Try. Try again. You’ve heard the saying.
10. Be a finisher – It’s easy to start something. It’s much more difficult to finish.
11. Preparation and practice - Just as no one runs a marathon without training, be prepared to practice and put in the work to achieve your goals.
12. Stop procrastinating – It just delays your progress.
13. Don’t be a perfectionist – Perfection is the enemy of finishing.
14. Visualize it – See yourself achieving your goals each day. Spend 5 minutes each morning visualizing success.
15. Get leverage on yourself – Find someone to hold you accountable and report to them regularly. Offer to pay them cash or clean their house or some other task you don’t want to do if you don’t do what you say. Websites like stickk.com can also help you commit to taking action.

As Wayne Gretzky once said, “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” Time passes by regardless of whether you are taking action or not. Wouldn’t you rather make the most of it?

Could I have been a parking lot attendant? Could I have been a millionaire in Bel Air? Could I have been Lost somewhere in Paris? Could I have been your little brother? Could I have been anyone other than me? – “Dancing Nancies” by Dave Matthews

Everyone struggles with doubts, fears and insecurities at some point in their lives. When you are feeling depressed, it’s tempting to look back on your life and wonder what you might do over if you had the chance.

Maybe you wish you were more confident or made more money or had a perfect body. Maybe you find yourself looking at other successful people and wonder what life would be like if you could trade places with them.

On the outside, other people’s lives can seem so perfect. But realistically, they also have problems, frustrations, and unrealized dreams. Rather than wishing you were someone else, it’s better to focus on you and what you can change. Here are some places to start.

1. Your job – Do you like what you do? Do you feel passionate and motivated to get out of bed and go to work? Or do you feel unappreciated or undercompensated? If this isn’t your ideal career, where would you like to be in five years? What steps do you need to take to get there?
2. Your friends – Do your friends encourage and support your dreams? Or do they gossip, whine and complain about how miserable they are? If you wish your friends were more positive, perhaps it’s time to find a new social circle. Can you take a class, join a club or volunteer to meet new people?
3. Your finances – Are you happy with how much you make? Do you have enough to live and splurge occasionally? Are you debt-free? If your finances aren’t in order, it throws your entire life out of balance because you are constantly stressed out about how to pay the bills. What, realistically, can you do to improve your financial situation?
4. Your relationship – Are you in your ideal relationship or actively looking for it? What can you change to make this aspect of your life better?
5. Your past – Everyone has some baggage from their past. Does yours hold you back or have you forgiven yourself, friends and family for any wrongs done. The more you let the past rule your thoughts, the less focused you can be on creating the life you want now.

No matter what your situation, you have a choice. Yes, it can be difficult to maintain a positive outlook and take responsibility for your decisions, but that’s the key to happiness. You can change your life if you want to. You have your own identity, thoughts and mindset. You can actively decide you will do something differently. What can you do right now to make that change happen?

1. Decide on your purpose – Who do you want to be? What do you want to achieve? What type of legacy do you want to leave? These are tough questions that can give you the focus and purpose in life to achieve success. By creating your own life purpose or mission statement, you will have a blueprint to follow.
2. Determine your values – What are your top five values? These might include learning, being secure, spiritual development, having great relationships with family and friends, freedom, and so on. Whenever you set goals, check how they align with your top values and revise those that might not match up.
3. Know your needs – What do you need to live a happy, authentic life? Psychologist Abraham Maslow came up with a hierarchy of needs in the 1940s that stated everyone has five categories of needs: physiological, safety, love and belonging, esteem and self-actualization. Are any of your needs not being met?
4. Re-discover your passions – It’s easy to lose track of what you enjoy most in life when you are struggling financially, in a bad relationship, or dealing with a dead-end job. Even if you are on a budget or have limited free time, find a way to indulge in “me” time.
5. Take 5 – Spend a few minutes of quiet time each day meditating, reflecting in silence, or walking in nature. Focus on the “now” rather than what you did or what you still have to do.
6. Discover your strengths – In his book, Now, Discover Your Strengths, Marcus Buckingham talks about how focusing on your strengths leads to a happier life. What are you good at? What do you love to do? Building on your strengths has a positive effect on increasing your self-confidence.
7. Serve others – Once your personal needs are met, you will find that the world doesn’t revolve around you. What can you do to share your strengths and talents with the world and give back?

Becoming a better person means figuring out who you are, what your purpose is, and how you can contribute to the world around you. While personal development is rewarding, it is much more enjoyable to share your gift with others and help them improve their lives as well.

1. Define a clear focus – The first step to setting new goals or starting a new project involves looking at your current situation with a clear head. Where are you currently? Where do you want to be? What are the first 3 things you have to do to get from where you are to where you want to be? Often, defining the next step in the process is enough to motivate you to take action.
2. Define small, achievable action steps – Your end goal may seem daunting, but if you make your first step tiny and easy to achieve, you set yourself up for success. With each new task you complete, you build confidence and increase your self esteem, which compels you to take further action.
3. Build courage – With each success, no matter how small, you build the courage to continue. When setbacks come up and you overcome them, you can pat yourself on the back knowing you were strong enough to persevere and see things through. As a result, you can feel confident setting bigger and better goals to achieve.
4. Focus on the positive – Keep a journal to track your progress so you don’t forget how far you’ve come in such a short time. Each day, evaluate your progress towards achieving your goals and celebrate your successes.

Successful, self-confident people decide what they want and take action to achieve their goals. By focusing on their successes and learning from their failures, they gain motivation and a larger vision for what they can become.

Ideally, if you don’t like your job, you should be actively looking for a new one, but in today’s poor economy, finding a newer, more fulfilling position may be challenging. What can you do in the meantime? Here are a few ideas to motivate yourself at work.

1. Decide whether to stay or go – Do you see yourself working for your company in 5 years? Is there room for growth such as a new position opening up or an opportunity for a raise? If no, then you may want to strongly consider starting a new job search.
2. Evaluate current projects – What projects are currently going on in your company? Do you have an opportunity to take on new responsibilities or join a project that may interest you? Is there a way to get more involved so you can prove yourself and perhaps implement some profitable ideas you have. Many companies are open to suggestions, especially ones that will help them make money, so the more you prove you are a valuable asset, the better your chances of climbing the corporate ladder.
3. Determine what is holding you back – If you just don’t have the energy to work harder, ask yourself what’s holding you back. Do you fear failure or embarrassment? Are you worried how coworkers may perceive you? Many motivational problems stem from an emotional conflict with coworkers or management, so can you pinpoint the conflict and look for ways to resolve it?
4. It never hurts to ask - If you don’t ask, you won’t get what you want. Believe in yourself enough to ask for a raise, new responsibilities, or to be involved with a new project. The worst they can say is “no,” and that leaves you at the same place you are now. By overcoming your fear and asking, you prove to yourself that you have the courage to take a risk and go for it.

You spend a good portion of your life working. If you don’t enjoy what you do, look for ways to make the best of your situation. How can you use the experiences you are gaining now in a future job? How can you gain the attention of upper management? What can you do that will inspire you to make changes?

I am good at setting goals and deciding what I want. But I never seem to take action. I’ve been considering changing jobs from a career as a banker to become a motivational speaker for youth and young graduates. The demand of the job is much and I find it hard to make significant progress. I have organized one training and talked once as an invited speaker at a university but that was since last year. Got any advice for me?

My Reply

Action is everything. If you aren’t taking it, look at the reasons why you are holding back. Is it fear? Do you have other priorities that come before this? Does it seem like your goal is “too big” to accomplish, so why bother? What do you tell yourself? When trying to accomplish a big goal:

1. Decide what the outcome should be. What does your final destination look like? How often will you speak to students? What kinds of training do you provide?
2. Set milestones. Don’t worry about making a living at this just yet. Instead, focus on booking one engagement or doing one training. Just one. Then, plan out your steps for achieving this goal.
3. Conquer your fears. If this is your life’s purpose, realize you must conquer your own fears if you want to make a difference in other people’s lives. Write down all the fears that are holding you back – do you feel failure, imperfection, success or that others will judge you? Any time we step outside our comfort zone and try something new, we will have fears. That’s natural. But you can’t let those fears hold you back. By acknowledging your fears, you can remove the power you have attached to them.
4. Turn fears into positive affirmations. How can you take your fears and negative self-talk and turn it into something positive. Create positive affirmations you can tell yourself whenever you feel afraid. How can you respond to your own internal dialog so that you feel proud, enthusiastic or successful about what you are trying to accomplish?
5. Hold yourself accountable. If you really want to do something, find a way to hold yourself accountable. Tell others your dreams. Find a support group. Figure out how you can partner with others to make this happen. Decide you will do something crazy if you don’t achieve your next milestone (shave your head, donate a large amount of money to a charity you dislike, etc). Check out stickk.com to help you be accountable.
6. Lighten up. This should be fun. Whenever something feels too big or too difficult, we have a tendency to take it way too serious. Relax and laugh at yourself. All these thoughts and emotions are things you are creating in your own mind.

I have a strange problem. I am a musician who formally studied classical guitar and piano. When I am alone, I play well but when I play in front of people, I feel intimidated and don’t play my best. I have tried affirmations and ways to relax, be self confident, and so on, but nothing seems to work. Composing is my strong area not public performance. I do realize that it is my responsibility as a musician to overcome this problem and give a good performance to my audience. Do you know of any solutions to overcome this?

My Answer

Lots of people fear public speaking or performing, so you aren’t alone in your fear. However, as you have realized, this fear can hold you back from achieving your goals. Here are a few tips:

1. Mindset is everything. Performing in public is a skill that can be learned. Lots of people have overcome this fear and learned to feel comfortable – or even enjoy – performing in front of a crowd. You can too. It just takes practice.
2. Don’t strive for perfection. You don’t have to be perfect. Your audience won’t crucify you if you make a mistake. Realize that their purpose is to enjoy themselves and have a good time, not criticize the entertainer. If you play original works, they probably won’t even realize you hit a wrong note or messed up your tempo.
3. Take small steps. Start out with small groups of people first. As you become more comfortable and confident, play for larger crowds.
4. Focus on your life purpose. If spreading your music is your life purpose, accept that you must overcome your fears to make this happen. Then, do whatever it takes to achieve this.
5. Learn to laugh at yourself. Everyone makes mistakes. You can either beat yourself up about it or accept you aren’t perfect and laugh it off. Even if you have a terrible performance, you can always use it as a funny story to tell people when you are famous. “When I was just starting out, I was deathly afraid of performing in public. In fact, one time…” Own your mistakes so they don’t own you.

The only way I know to overcome a fear of public speaking is to make yourself do it over and over. As you practice, you will figure out what works for you and become more comfortable in front of people. Yes, at first, you will have anxiety towards this, but summon your courage to conquer this fear – and do it. The more you do it, the easier it will be.

The truth is that you will never succeed at achieving your goals unless you become clear about what you want, become motivated enough to change your life, and create a solid plan of action to achieve your goals. Without these three things, your goals will remain elusive dreams and wishes. Here are 4 steps to achieving your goals.

Clarify What You Want

It is virtually impossible to hit a moving target, so your first step is to decide what, exactly, you want to achieve. What do you want? Be as specific as possible about what your desired end result looks like.

If you want to start a business, what does your business sell? How many employees do you have? What do you do on a day-to-day basis? How much money do you bring in?

If you want a particular lifestyle, what does it look like? Describe your house, your car, your career, or whatever you want. What does your daily schedule look like? What do you do for fun?

Until you can visualize yourself having attained that goal, it’s just a dream or a wish. Day dream. Put together a vision board with all the images you want to manifest in your life. Become extremely clear about what, exactly, you want.

Commit Resources

Achieving your goals takes planning and committed effort. Think of it like building a house. At first, all you have is a rough idea of what you want. Then, you work with an architect or builder to develop a complete house plan and move closer to your goal. The same is true of creating a different lifestyle or successful business.

But creating the life you’ve dreamed of doesn’t come without dedication. If you want to create a successful business, you must put in the hours it will take to build momentum. If you want to write a novel, that may mean less recreational time. Spending more time with your children may mean adjusting your work schedule.

Whatever you decide you want must become a priority in your life so that you do make time for it.

Take Consistent Daily Action

If you want to achieve your goals faster, you must commit time each day to work towards them. It takes 3-4 weeks to form a new habit, so if you take action each day, after a month of consistent focus, you will have created a new habit.

The best way to achieve your goals is to make them daily habits. You may find that at first, you struggle with changing your daily behaviors, but as you do the behavior over time, it gets easier and easier until it becomes automatic. If you want to write a novel, commit to writing a certain amount of words per day. If you want to grow your business, commit to making a specific number of sales each week. Then hold yourself accountable.

Don’t let your goals get pushed aside while you focus on your daily tasks and distractions. Obstacles will arise. It’s up to you to stay on course each day.

Be Passionate

Whenever you feel like giving up or not doing your daily action towards achieving your goal, go back to your vision of why you wanted to achieve that goal in the first place. Inject some passion into your life. That intense desire will keep you motivated and help you overcome your mind’s rationalizations and doubts.

If you aren’t passionate about your goals, chances are, you don’t really want them. Perhaps you feel you should achieve something, or your friends and family want you to achieve it – but it really isn’t a priority deep down.

For instance, I struggled for a few years with thinking I should buy a house. My friends were buying houses while I still lived in an apartment. Yes, I wanted to move, but I didn’t feel ready to settle down and commit to a long term mortgage. Now, I’m glad I didn’t buy a house because I’m looking to start traveling next summer. Traveling feels right. Buying a house didn’t.

So consider – is your goal something you really want? If so, commit to taking one small action each day, and over time, you will find you’ve made considerable progress.

You can manifest your desires in your life. The secret is to figure out exactly what you want, then pursue it passionately. Don’t just dream about it – do it! Make it happen!

Breaking your bad habits and forming healthy ones isn’t that difficult if you commit to changing your lifestyle. All you have to do is shift your focus from believing that change will be difficult to believing it will be easy. When you believe something is easy, you don’t struggle against it. Your thoughts and emotions are in alignment with your goals, so you are happy to take the appropriate action.

When you believe something to be difficult, just the opposite happens. Your mind comes up with all sorts of excuses to sabotage your efforts. If you’ve ever tried to lose weight or quit smoking, you know how easy it is to come up with all sorts of reasons why you should order a pizza instead of cooking a healthy meal or how you need just one more cigarette to stop your nicotine craving or cope with stress.

Your experiences will align with your beliefs.

Break Bad Habits

How do you usually go about trying to change your behavior? Perhaps one morning you wake up and decide that today is the day you will start losing weight. No more junk food for you, even when things get difficult. Whenever you want to reach for that cookie or bag of chips, you will find something else to focus on. Sure, it may be tough at first, but you’ll try.

Now, how long do you think you will last with this mindset?

Chances are, not too long. You can see you’ve already decided that losing weight will be difficult and have negative thought patterns in place. Words like “when things get difficult” or “it may be tough at first” or “you’ll try” show that you are already setting your self up just in case you fail. You really aren’t 100% committed.

Losing weight doesn’t have to be difficult – but if you convince yourself that it will be a challenge, and that you will have to forego the foods you love for a few months, you will find your thought patterns are stronger than your desire to change.

Change Your Thought Patterns

That doesn’t mean you can’t change, though. For instance, last year I lost 25lbs in 3 months following Tim Ferriss’ Slow Carb Diet. I decided I needed to change and that I had to take action towards achieving that goal.

First, I had to change my way of thinking about losing weight. I was unhappy with the way I looked and felt unattractive. I was at the heaviest I had ever been and horrified I had let myself get so heavy. So I decided I had to change – it was no longer an option.

Next, I started researching various diet and fitness plans. I happened to stumble upon that low carb diet and was surprised at how simple it was. You eat a certain way for 6 days and then can eat whatever you want on the 7th. Suddenly, losing weight was no longer difficult – it was pretty easy, actually.

Finally, I started looking for motivation. During those few months of weight loss, I actively searched the Internet for motivational and inspirational quotes and stories that resonated with me. I needed to hear others achieving success or struggling with what I was currently struggling with. I re-read the comments on Tim’s blog over and over (there are 2600 comments as I write this now) and kept up with other people’s progress.

Because I was able to change my thinking about weight loss, I quickly lost the 25 lbs I wanted to and have kept it off for over a year. I feel so much lighter and far happier. I also weigh myself regularly and watch my weight so that it doesn’t blossom out of proportion again. I have an upper weight limit that if I hit, I put myself back on the diet until I lose those few extra pounds – and I consider this a non-negotiable.

Whatever your goals, you can achieve them by changing your thought patterns. Be patient and stick with it. Yes, it will probably take some time to see results, but you will eventually see them.