I have a strange problem. I am a musician who formally studied classical guitar and piano. When I am alone, I play well but when I play in front of people, I feel intimidated and don’t play my best. I have tried affirmations and ways to relax, be self confident, and so on, but nothing seems to work. Composing is my strong area not public performance. I do realize that it is my responsibility as a musician to overcome this problem and give a good performance to my audience. Do you know of any solutions to overcome this?

My Answer

Lots of people fear public speaking or performing, so you aren’t alone in your fear. However, as you have realized, this fear can hold you back from achieving your goals. Here are a few tips:

1. Mindset is everything. Performing in public is a skill that can be learned. Lots of people have overcome this fear and learned to feel comfortable – or even enjoy – performing in front of a crowd. You can too. It just takes practice.
2. Don’t strive for perfection. You don’t have to be perfect. Your audience won’t crucify you if you make a mistake. Realize that their purpose is to enjoy themselves and have a good time, not criticize the entertainer. If you play original works, they probably won’t even realize you hit a wrong note or messed up your tempo.
3. Take small steps. Start out with small groups of people first. As you become more comfortable and confident, play for larger crowds.
4. Focus on your life purpose. If spreading your music is your life purpose, accept that you must overcome your fears to make this happen. Then, do whatever it takes to achieve this.
5. Learn to laugh at yourself. Everyone makes mistakes. You can either beat yourself up about it or accept you aren’t perfect and laugh it off. Even if you have a terrible performance, you can always use it as a funny story to tell people when you are famous. “When I was just starting out, I was deathly afraid of performing in public. In fact, one time…” Own your mistakes so they don’t own you.

The only way I know to overcome a fear of public speaking is to make yourself do it over and over. As you practice, you will figure out what works for you and become more comfortable in front of people. Yes, at first, you will have anxiety towards this, but summon your courage to conquer this fear – and do it. The more you do it, the easier it will be.

Breaking your bad habits and forming healthy ones isn’t that difficult if you commit to changing your lifestyle. All you have to do is shift your focus from believing that change will be difficult to believing it will be easy. When you believe something is easy, you don’t struggle against it. Your thoughts and emotions are in alignment with your goals, so you are happy to take the appropriate action.

When you believe something to be difficult, just the opposite happens. Your mind comes up with all sorts of excuses to sabotage your efforts. If you’ve ever tried to lose weight or quit smoking, you know how easy it is to come up with all sorts of reasons why you should order a pizza instead of cooking a healthy meal or how you need just one more cigarette to stop your nicotine craving or cope with stress.

Your experiences will align with your beliefs.

Break Bad Habits

How do you usually go about trying to change your behavior? Perhaps one morning you wake up and decide that today is the day you will start losing weight. No more junk food for you, even when things get difficult. Whenever you want to reach for that cookie or bag of chips, you will find something else to focus on. Sure, it may be tough at first, but you’ll try.

Now, how long do you think you will last with this mindset?

Chances are, not too long. You can see you’ve already decided that losing weight will be difficult and have negative thought patterns in place. Words like “when things get difficult” or “it may be tough at first” or “you’ll try” show that you are already setting your self up just in case you fail. You really aren’t 100% committed.

Losing weight doesn’t have to be difficult – but if you convince yourself that it will be a challenge, and that you will have to forego the foods you love for a few months, you will find your thought patterns are stronger than your desire to change.

Change Your Thought Patterns

That doesn’t mean you can’t change, though. For instance, last year I lost 25lbs in 3 months following Tim Ferriss’ Slow Carb Diet. I decided I needed to change and that I had to take action towards achieving that goal.

First, I had to change my way of thinking about losing weight. I was unhappy with the way I looked and felt unattractive. I was at the heaviest I had ever been and horrified I had let myself get so heavy. So I decided I had to change – it was no longer an option.

Next, I started researching various diet and fitness plans. I happened to stumble upon that low carb diet and was surprised at how simple it was. You eat a certain way for 6 days and then can eat whatever you want on the 7th. Suddenly, losing weight was no longer difficult – it was pretty easy, actually.

Finally, I started looking for motivation. During those few months of weight loss, I actively searched the Internet for motivational and inspirational quotes and stories that resonated with me. I needed to hear others achieving success or struggling with what I was currently struggling with. I re-read the comments on Tim’s blog over and over (there are 2600 comments as I write this now) and kept up with other people’s progress.

Because I was able to change my thinking about weight loss, I quickly lost the 25 lbs I wanted to and have kept it off for over a year. I feel so much lighter and far happier. I also weigh myself regularly and watch my weight so that it doesn’t blossom out of proportion again. I have an upper weight limit that if I hit, I put myself back on the diet until I lose those few extra pounds – and I consider this a non-negotiable.

Whatever your goals, you can achieve them by changing your thought patterns. Be patient and stick with it. Yes, it will probably take some time to see results, but you will eventually see them.

If you’ve watched the movie, The Secret, you got a quick introduction to the law of attraction, but the movie doesn’t go into much detail about how to apply those principles in your life. Perhaps you believe, but need practical advice on how to apply the teachings in your life. Perhaps you are skeptical – can your thoughts really influence what manifests in your life?

If you are skeptical, that’s understandable. Much of the “science” behind The Secret seems hokey. I mean, how often do we “wish” for things that never manifest? As I write this, the Powerball lottery sits at about $190 million. I have yet to manifest that check into my life – though I keep trying.

While you might not be able to influence the Powerball numbers, let’s talk about things you do have control over.

1. Your thoughts – At its core, the law of attraction is about monitoring your thoughts and becoming aware of negativity, criticism and blame. When things don’t work to our advantage, our inner critic often berates us for not living up to our own standards. Often, we don’t give ourselves the same love and respect we give to other people. Instead, we focus on our weaknesses and can end up thinking in circles and this downward spiral of thoughts leads to self-sabotage.

   But what if we turned it around and loved ourselves? If we have a bad day, we comfort ourselves like we might comfort our friends and loved ones and tried to cheer them up? When we look at others’ lives, we can see that things usually aren’t as bad as our friend believes. It’s never the end of the world, and there is almost always a solution or workaround to whatever is causing the problem.

2. Your attitude – It’s easy to fall into a pattern of hopelessness and despair when things aren’t going your way. Maybe you don’t have enough money, or have relationship troubles, or aren’t happy with your career. Yet regardless of where you are in life, you can choose to see the glass as half empty or half full. What in your life are you grateful for? What are your strengths? What is positive in your life?

   It’s easy to fall into the pattern of thinking about what’s wrong – but how often do we reflect on what’s right with our lives? If you start and end each day by being appreciative of what you have, it’s amazing how your whole outlook can change.

3. Your behaviors – The truth is, we may not be able to control everything that happens to us. We can’t control how others behave or factors outside ourselves. The only thing we do have complete control over is our reaction to things. We can choose to worry, blame, take offense, or become defensive. Or we can see the bright side of things. You know the saying – every cloud has a silver lining.

   The next time something doesn’t go as planned, become aware of your own reaction. Do you get angry and curse? Or can you laugh it off as no big deal? If you are in the wrong, can you learn from your mistakes? Can you genuinely apologize if you’ve hurt someone? When you find yourself in an argument or dispute, can you take a step back and really listen to the concerns of the other person without becoming defensive? Can you view the other with compassion – and take their words to heart? Can you see the world from their perspective and empathize with their side of the story?

Action Step – Start a Gratitude Journal

In the movie, The Secret, they discuss writing down what you are thankful for each day. Journaling can be a great way to become aware of your own beliefs, explore your feelings and get to know yourself better. If something is bothering you, it is often helpful to clarify your thoughts by writing them down, rather than letting your mind run circles around the issue without resolution.

Often, when you see your own thoughts on paper, you will gain a new perspective and be able to approach the issue differently. It will also help you clear your mind – it’s now down on paper, so you don’t have to remember every last detail. You can write whatever you like and have your say, then read over it – is it a fair assessment of the situation? If it was a friend telling you about their problems, rather than your own writings, what advice would you give?

The law of attraction is about becoming extremely clear not only about what you want in your life, but about how you can overcome any perceived obstacles that are standing between you and your goals. When you focus on what you want, you can take small inspired action steps to achieve those goals. By tracking your daily process, you can see that you are making progress – or where you are stuck and need to make adjustments.

Remember, a goal is just a “wish” until you commit to achieving it.

Rather than persevering and finishing things, I tended to direct my attention elsewhere and started something new, leaving me with numerous unfinished projects and little to show for my efforts. It was my own form of self-sabotage – I always felt like I was spinning my wheels but never getting anywhere.

One of my main goals for this year was to focus on improving my self confidence, and it’s made a huge difference in where I am now compared with even six months ago.

Here are some of the ways I’ve built up my own self-confidence.

1. Make the decision to change – The first step to building self-confidence is to decide you will change. This probably sounds obvious but with me, I hit a point where I know I’m not happy with where I am and make a decision that it’s unacceptable to continue with my current course of action. Once I’ve made that decision, I tend to stick with it.
2. Take care of yourself - It’s amazing how just grooming yourself, getting a makeover or a nice haircut will do for your self-esteem. You’ll look and feel better. I almost always start my change process with some type of physical change in appearance. For instance, earlier this year, I decided I wanted to lose 20 pounds. I had been at the heaviest weight in my life and decided enough was enough. I did some research and followed Tim Ferriss’ weight loss suggestions, and within less than three months, I had achieved my goal.
3. Exercise – Taking 20-30 minutes each day to exercise does wonders for how you feel. I exercise at home, primarily with a jump rope routine and lifting dumbbells, so I don’t need to go to the gym. I’ve made it a habit to watch a movie or tv show each night, and during that time, I do my workout routine.
4. Eat healthy – When I decided to lose weight, I knew I couldn’t keep eating the junk food diet I’d previously been on. I started adding more proteins, veggies, and beans to my diet while cutting out a lot of the carbs and sugary foods. I soon had far more energy than previously.
5. Stop comparing yourself to others – It’s really easy to look at what others have and wish you lived where they do, drove a more expensive car, had cooler gadgets, a larger bank account, and so on. Yet this kind of envious thinking only makes you feel worse about yourself, and worse, inspires you to live above your means. Most of us aren’t immune to wanting more – hence the current economic crisis – but I’ve learned that having cool stuff doesn’t necessarily make people happier. Happiness comes from within, not from all the stuff you collect.
6. Be grateful for what you have – If you have enough to eat, a roof over your head, and supportive friends and family members, you’ve got plenty to be grateful for. How often do we take things for granted rather than appreciate what we have?
7. Be positive – It’s easy to fall into a cycle of sarcasm and complaining, but much more fulfilling if you take a positive attitude towards life. Look for what’s right rather than what’s wrong. That isn’t to say ignore the bad stuff, but instead of complaining and feeling helpless, look for things within your control.
8. Be true to your principles – Self-confidence and authenticity go hand-in-hand. Knowing who you are and what you stand for – and then acting in accordance with those principles – builds a sense of self-respect.
9. Accept compliments – Whenever someone says something nice to you, respond with a simple “thank you.” Don’t put yourself down, mentioning “it’s nothing special” or “it wasn’t a big deal” or that really you thought you “don’t deserve it.” By accepting compliments, you honor the opinions of others and show you appreciate their kindness.
10. Make eye contact – Eye contact is incredibly powerful. When you don’t make eye contact, it can indicate that you’re shy, bored with the conversation, or perhaps that you’re hiding something. When you focus on making eye contact, it requires you to pay attention to other people rather than zoning off into your own world.
11. Speak slowly and listen in conversations – Self-confident people slow down their speech patterns and take the time to listen to others in verbal communications. I used to speak incredibly fast, and it took a few months of work with a voice coach to see just how ineffective this was. People quickly tune out when they can’t get a word in the conversation or they feel you are lecturing them. Instead, focus your conversation on others and really listen to what they have to say.
12. Focus on your strengths but know your weaknesses – In the book Now, Discover Your Strengths, Marcus Buckingham describes how it’s better to focus on your strengths than improve your weaknesses. Yes, you should know what your weaknesses are, but you’ll be happier doing the things you love and are good at rather than struggling to improve your weaknesses all the time.
13. Build competence – By focusing on your strengths and building competence in the areas that align with your talents and skills, you’ll automatically improve your self-confidence.
14. Set and achieve small goals – While setting big goals is great, often those big goals can become frustrating and overwhelming. Look for little things you can do – like that to-do list item you’ve been putting off, or start small, changing one habit for the next 30 days and stick with it. Self-confidence improves with each success.
15. Do your most important thing for the day first – In Brian Tracy’s book, Eat That Frog!: 21 Great Ways to Stop Procrastinating and Get More Done in Less Time, he encourages you to figure out what your most important task for the day should be and then to do it before you do anything else. That way, you start your day off with a win and will feel incredibly productive; even if that’s the only thing you get done that day.
16. Find ways to motivate yourself – When you are facing a challenging task, or even something you don’t want to do, finding motivation to get it done can be difficult. Everyone has different ways to motivate themselves. Some people like to reward themselves after success while others need some type of deadline or commitment to push forward. StickK.com is a site that allows you sign a legally binding contract that requires you to donate a specific amount of money to charity if you fail. To really motivate you, you can pick an “anti-charity,” an organization you strongly oppose, to receive your charitable donations. Listening to motivational speakers can also give you a pick-me-up for daily motivation.
17. Live in the present moment – It’s so easy to get caught up in what we should have done last week or what we must do tomorrow, that we let today pass us by. Living in the present moment means being completely immersed and experiencing whatever you are doing right now.
18. Meditate – Just sitting, focusing on your breath, and becoming aware of your thoughts is a big step towards living in the present moment. When you meditate, you become aware of the constant self-talk, much of it negative, that streams through your head on a daily basis. Once you become aware of your own constant chatter, you can take steps to quiet your thoughts and experience the world without your ongoing commentary.
19. Acknowledge daily successes – I’ve been journaling my daily successes each night, as it’s easy to forget about them when you still have so much work to do on your goals. Success builds self-confidence, so it helps when can see that each day, you’re making progress and achieving small goals.

Negotiating Conflict is part of the Tony Robbins Inner Strength Films with psychotherapist Cloe Madanes in which Tony coaches members of the audience to break free of their fears and take control of their lives.

This particular film was especially powerful because it took place during a 2 day leadership conference in Hawaii on 9/11/2001. The conference brought together 2000 individuals from about 40 different countries (including 100 New Yorkers) and everyone had different reactions to what had happened around 3am Hawaii time. Some were crying. Some had lost loved ones or businesses in the attack. Some saw it as no big deal – as this type of thing happens in their country all the time. Some were celebrating, calling the attack “retribution”. Others were fighting amongst themselves.

Tony had considered canceling the day’s events but instead chose to support those who needed it while addressing different reactions and trying to defuse destructive emotions. He focused on the topic of emotional mastery and how each audience member had the ability to choose how they reacted to the day’s events – specifically, how they answered the following questions: Who needs help? What should be done right now? What’s in my control? What can I do right now?

Initially, Tony worked with the entire audience, asking members to share how they were feeling. One woman revealed how she had been uncertain about whether she wanted to marry her fiancé. After the first day at the conference, she left her fiancé a voicemail saying she was now committed to marrying him. He got the voicemail at work – on the 101 floor of one of the towers – and contacted her to say goodbye. Incredibly, though the woman was extremely sad, she learned how important it was to live life fully and offered a message of hope.

After hearing from various audience members, Tony turned his focus to a smaller group of New Yorkers and showed how their reaction to the day’s events mirrored how they reacted to other events in their lives. One woman ran a hospital department and was overcome with guilt that she wasn’t in NY helping out. Another woman who was filled with anger only saw a bleak future and couldn’t see how any good or hope could come out of it. A third woman could only mourn after she called everyone she knew to make sure they were safe. Tony showed how their reactions to this time of crisis mimic how they react to lesser events.

Finally, Tony worked one on one with two men: Asad, a Muslim, and Bernie, a NY Orthodox Jew. The process was designed to set up indirect negotiation between two people of opposing views, so as one would talk directly to Tony, the other would observe him and write down exactly what he said. Then, their roles were switched. Tony reframed their questions from how to solve the Israeli-Palestinian conflict to internal questions they could control. He asked each why this issue was important to them and how they could resolve the conflict internally.

As Tony coached audience members through the difficult day, Cloe explained Tony’s intervention and negotiation methodologies and offered tips for how viewers could use these methodologies in their own lives.

This is a great video for leaders who find themselves in the middle of dueling world views or need to take a leadership role during a tragic event (ie a natural disaster) or shocking news (ie sudden death of a loved one, a business crisis). Tony’s strategies help individuals to defuse destructive emotions like blame, anger and hopelessness by focusing on the issues within their control – specifically, their emotional reactions, what the issue means to them, personally, and what they can do to make a difference. In Asad and Bernie’s case, the two created an organization to help Jews and Muslims understand one anther and make peace rather than violence.

The dvd comes with a downloadable 29 page workbook that serves as a reflection for how you’ve handled shocking news in the past and can act as an action plan for leaders in time of crisis or conflict.

Check out Anthony Robbins’ Inner Strength Films!

One of Tony Robbins’ lesser known projects is his powerful series of Inner Strength Films with psychotherapist Cloe Madanes. Each video was filmed during one of Tony Robbins’ conferences where a member of the audience stood up and revealed a major problem they were having. During the intervention, Tony uncovers the heart of the audience member’s problem and works with them to break free from their fears and limiting behaviors. Throughout the videos, Cloe provides voiceovers explaining why Tony uses the words and actions he does and offers advice to viewers about how they can put Tony’s suggestions into action in their own lives.

In Conquering Overwhelming Loss, Jim stands up and admits he’s thinking of suicide. Jim was a successful business man who lost everything in a matter of a few days because of a bad investment. To make things worse, he not only lost his own money, he lost a large amount of a dear friend’s life savings as well. Unable to live with his guilt, he set up his friend as the beneficiary of his life insurance policy and has been contemplating ways to kill himself so she will get her money back.

Tony’s first step is to get Jim to see that suicide is not the answer he’s been craving. When Tony first talks with him, he is extremely harsh – his only goal is to make Jim see that suicide is not the answer. Tony explains that if Jim kills himself, his life insurance company won’t pay, despite what he thinks. He then switches focus to the guilt his friend will feel if she knows Jim killed himself for her. He also brings up Jim’s mother and others in Jim’s life that value his life over his money and tries to show Jim that by killing himself, he’s not making a sacrifice but hurting those he loves.

Once Tony gets Jim to see that suicide isn’t an easy out, he digs deeper to uncover the psychological roots of Jim’s problem. Because of his business failure, Jim feels he’s lost his identity – his business and work had previously defined how he saw himself. Tony goes through the 6 human needs (certainty, variety, significance, connection/love, growth, and contribution) and points out that like many men, Jim’s primary need is for significance. He needs others to see him as a successful business man who makes great contributions to the world.

As Tony and Jim talk, Cloe explains the process for Tony’s intervention including the 7 steps Tony will address for Jim to create a compelling future. She also describes why Jim has been clinging to despair and that even though despair is destructive, it fills each of the 6 human needs so it’s difficult to break free from.

This is a fantastic video for anyone lost in despair or hopelessness – or for families of people trapped in despair. Jim’s raw emotion comes through as he first becomes mad at Tony, gradually starts to regain trust, sees that suicide is not the answer, and finally considers other options to take responsibility for his life, pay off his debts, and start a new business. At the end of the video, Tony sits down with Jim one year later, and Jim’s life has completely changed for the better.

The dvd comes with a downloadable 36 page workbook that offers cliff notes on Tony’s 6 human needs and how they affect relationships as well as exercises to put Tony’s steps for creating a compelling future into practice.

Check out Anthony Robbins’ Inner Strength Films!

Unfortunately, most of us are pretty bad at asking empowering questions. Instead, we ask ourselves things like:

• Why can’t I ever do this right?
• Why didn’t I leave earlier so I wouldn’t be late?
• Why did I sleep in rather than going to the gym this morning?
• Why did I eat that?

All these questions are accusing in nature. They immediately make us feel defensive – we need to justify why we ate that luscious dessert or didn’t exercise today (we will tomorrow!) These types of questions also focus on the problem rather than the solution and lead to more cyclical thinking. We never break out of the negative thinking – we just think more negative thoughts and downward spiral.

Instead, we should focus on empowering questions like:

• What’s most important?
• What am I really proud of today?
• What action can I take right now to move forward?
• What foods would I like to eat more of?
• How can I make my exercise sessions more fun/interesting/challenging?
• How can I fit this last thing into my schedule?

Empowering questions usually start with “what” or “how” while disempowering questions start with “why”. That’s not an all encompassing rule – you can always ask something like “what the heck is wrong with you?” – but it holds true in many cases.

To ask empowering questions, we must focus on what we can control. There are many things in life that are out of our control such as traffic, weather, budgets, competitors, natural disasters, or what people think about us.

There are also many things we can influence, but we don’t have control over. For instance, we can influence what others think of us. If we are negative, defensive, or hostile, people will tend to think badly about us. If we are upbeat, enthusiastic, and positive, people will think well of us. But, there may be that one person who just does not like us no matter what we do.

What we can control are our own actions and attitudes. We can choose to complete a project on time, set aside time to spend with family, spend money on certain things, take action, not take action, think positively, think negatively, etc.

If something bad happens to us – like we miss our train, our car won’t start, or even something as mundane as we spill our morning coffee – it’s up to us to choose how we will respond to it and how that one event will affect the rest of our day.

Today, spend some time reflecting on the questions you ask yourself – are they holding you back or empowering you to live a fulfilling life? If you are asking negative questions, how can you reframe them so they are more positive and empowering?

Perfectionism prevents us from getting things done – and enjoying ourselves as we complete our tasks. Here are my top five ways to break the cycle of worrying and start enjoying life.

1) Set realistic expectations – Have you ever started a project only to realize a little while into it that you’ve bitten off more than you could chew? Before starting your next project, ask yourself whether your goal or expectation is reasonable. Could someone else in your shoes hope to accomplish it? If not, break it down into something more manageable. You can always increase the scope of the project later when you have more time and resources to devote. For now, focus on the next mission critical step and devote your attention solely to this phase until it’s completed. Then, you can tackle phase 2.

2) Give yourself credit for what you have accomplished – When you set goals, it’s easy to focus on the fact that you have not yet achieved them. Instead, focus on all the mini-accomplishments and milestones you have accomplished on your path to achieving your goals. Success is a journey, not a destination.

3) Accept that mistakes are part of the journey – No matter what you set out to achieve, you’ll find that there were always things you could have done better. Instead of dwelling on could-have-beens and should-have-beens, learn from them and move on. Mistakes are opportunities for personal growth.

4) If you’re stuck, seek help – No one but you expects you to know all the answers. The best athletes have coaches and the best business minds have mastermind groups precisely for this reason. Sometimes you’re too close to the problem and need an outsider’s perspective to help you take a step back.

5) Focus on the present – Too often, we spend our time worrying about past things we can’t change or future things that will never happen. Instead, focus on the present moment. How can you make what you need to do enjoyable now? What would make you feel good in this moment? Perhaps it’s visualizing how you’ll feel when the project is done or knowing how your work will have helped someone else.

As a friend of mine likes to say, “Good is great but done is better.” The trick is to get out of your head and take action towards completing your task or goal. Action leads to feedback and new perspectives. And you’ll often find that it wasn’t as bad as you thought and that 99% of what you worried might happen didn’t.

What are your best ways to silence your inner critic? Feel free to add your suggestions in the comments below.

According to Andrew Shatte, an adjunct professor of psychology at the University of Pennsylvania, the reason why resilience is so important is because we all fail at some point or another. As much as we wish we would never make mistakes or fall short, sometimes we end up dropping the ball. Successful people are quicker to shake off the negativity, learn from their mistakes, and get back in the game.

According to Shatte, there are 7 important factors that lead to becoming more resilient – and the good news is that they can all be learned. Since the article is geared more towards selling, I’m going to list the factors and add my interpretation for each rather than quote the article.

• Emotional Regulation – Successful people are able to keep their emotions in check rather than bouncing like a pinball from manic to depressed to enraged. I was just listening to a Tony Robbins lecture where he discussed how simply changing the words we use to describe our mood can change how we feel. For instance, when he and two colleagues were confronted by the exact same news that would affect each in the same way, they each reacted completely different. One was “enraged” and flew out of control. One was “annoyed” or “peeved” and remained calm. And Tony was somewhere in between. Sometimes, all we need to do to change our state is to observe our state and then change the way we describe it. Successful people still feel strong emotions, but they don’t let those emotions dictate how they will behave in a situation.
• Impulse Control - Successful people are able to control their impulses. They don’t react with anger after an interaction with a rude prospect. They also don’t go on an impulsive shopping spree or on a food binge to make themselves feel better. They are aware of their impulses but consciously choose whether to act on them.
• Causal Analysis – Successful people realize that every effect has a cause. They accept responsibility for where they are today. Yes, some things are out of their control, but they look for the things they do have control over and where they may be able to improve. They are also willing to do what it takes – and put in the hours – to succeed.
• Self-efficacy – Successful people realize that they are in control over their personal destiny and can change their outcomes. If they don’t like where they are now, they know they can take steps to change their circumstances. They don’t blame others or play the victim, but look for ways to change themselves.
• Realistic optimism – Successful people remain optimistic about their situation – but they inject it with a healthy dose of realism. They focus on what they are confident they can accomplish (even if others say they can’t) and then take steps to achieve that. They are also able to distinguish between being realistically optimistic about the best case scenario and wishful thinking (such as they’ll win the lottery today or a large sum of money will be handed to them).
• Empathy – Successful people are able to put themselves in the shoes of others. They accept that others view the world differently than they do and are able to decipher why others think and act the way they do.
• Reaching out – Successful people set goals that make them stretch and take them outside their comfort zone. As with any new thing, it’s possible that they may fail, but if they do, they are more likely to pick themselves up and try again until they achieve their goals. They look to other successful people for guidance and continuously learn new things to help them succeed.

I’m looking forward to reading his book, The Resilience Factor: 7 Keys to Finding Your Inner Strength and Overcoming Life’s Hurdles, which I just purchased through Amazon.com today.