Analyze Yourself

This is apparent in how you appear when you go out. If you are feeling good about yourself, you wear something nice, smile, and make eye contact with people – thus sending out positive vibes. If you are consumed by your thoughts and worries, you tend to throw on whatever is available and remain internally focused when out and about.

You can tell whenever you are talking with someone and they suddenly seem like they are no longer there – as if they were following your conversation up to a point, but then you lost them. Often, you can also tell when you’ve just said something that your conversational partner found offensive or disagreed with – their body language radically shifts.

Many times, we aren’t even aware of how we present ourselves to others. We don’t realize that changes in tone or body language come across as dramatically as they can. We can’t see ourselves slouching, crossing our arms, leaning away from the person, and assuming other defensive body positions. Yet the person we speak with can sense our vibes. They can tell when we are angry or annoyed or distracted – even if we are halfheartedly trying to fake being interested.

If you want to attract your soul mate, start by looking at yourself. What image do you present to people? If you can, video tape a conversation between you and a friend and take notes. Do you look confident and attractive? Do you put out the right vibes that say you are a warm, funny, caring individual? Do you have any quirks or nervous habits that you can change?

Inventory Your Relationships

Next, take a brief inventory of the different relationships that are currently in your life. Which relationships support and encourage you? Which are negative and critical? If you have more negative than positive relationships in your life, ask yourself why you attract and are attracted to negative people.

Now, think about those positive relationships you have. What attracts you to those people? What do you enjoy and appreciate most about them?

Get completely clear about both the negative qualities you don’t want to attract and the positive qualities you do want to attract. Shift your focus and attention so that whenever you see those positive qualities in people you meet, you befriend them.

Attract Your Soul Mate

How can you apply this to attracting your soul mate? Start by building a list of all the negative characteristics you’ve experienced in your previous relationships. This is the list of things you don’t want – or potential deal breakers – in your next relationship. If a number of your previous mates shared similar negative characteristics like ignoring you, bad communicator, pessimistic, no job, travels too much, etc, perhaps you can uncover a pattern and stop yourself from dating the next guy who fits in with your exes.

Now, create a list of all the positives you want in your relationship. What do you want? What are the positive qualities you need to feel loved, cherished, admired, and respected?

Finally, take a hard look at yourself. Often the things we are most critical about in others are things we do ourselves. Are you emitting positive vibes? Do you meet all your requirements for having a positive, loving relationship? Or do you still harbor baggage and bad feelings towards people in your past?

You will attract that which you focus on, so if you want the ideal relationship with The One, you must live your life to its fullest. Forgive and let go of any negativity you still hold on to or that will become an obstacle to attracting your soul mate.

Back from the Edge is part of the Tony Robbins Inner Strength Films with psychotherapist Cloe Madanes in which Tony coaches members of the audience to break free of their fears and take control of their lives. This particular film is also included in Tony Robbins’ Ultimate Relationship Program (which I have not seen).

During a conference of about 4000 participants, Paul stands up and reveals he’s thinking of leaving his wife, Jennifer, who is also an audience member. For the last two years, Paul has been threatening to leave Jennifer, a stay-at-home mom with a biting sense of humor and strong extended family support. Tony learns that Jen’s sister and brother-in-law, Janet and Brian, are also in the audience and asks them for insight into the couple’s problems.

From them, Tony learns that Paul and Jen often fight over finances. Paul feels insignificant because Jen often receives financial help from her family. Also, because Jen has such intense love for her kids and family, Paul feels he’s not her #1 priority to receive her love. To regain power in the relationship, Paul threatens to leave. Jen comforts herself by seeking support, love, and stability from her family, kids and food.

Tony works with Paul and Jennifer to uncover which of their 6 basic needs (certainty, variety, significance, connection/love, growth, and contribution) are not being met in their relationship, and specifically how the couple is meeting their top two needs outside of their relationship. Initially, Paul’s #1 need is significance while Jen’s is certainty. As Tony coaches the couple, he gives them new tools and strategies for laying down their weapons, reconnecting with one another, and allowing themselves to love one another again.

As Tony talks with the couple, Cloe summarizes the couple’s problems and communication patterns while offering questions and exercises for viewers to ask themselves about their own relationships. She focuses on how couples can better satisfy one another’s top human needs.

This video is a fantastic overview of how to create a loving, committed, sustainable relationship. Couples in any stage of their relationship can pick up strategies for deeper connection. The video will also help couples who are struggling to communicate with one another and wonder if they can ever reconnect again. When Paul first stood up, he seemed to be making one last ditch effort to save his doomed relationship. By realizing one another’s needs and learning new ways to communicate with one another, Paul and Jen were able work out their differences and make a renewed commitment to one another. In their 6 month follow up, Paul and Jen are incredibly happy together.

The 33 page downloadable workbook that accompanies the video offers a 3 step process for couples to meet one another’s needs. Specifically, they must:

1. Discover their partner’s top 3 needs in order of priority
2. Discover their partner’s rules for what has to happen in order for those needs to be met. In other words, how will they know if their needs are being met?
3. Give and evaluate. What does their partner look like when his or her needs are being met?

The workbook also offers exercises so couples can evaluate how their needs are being met when they are upset or angry with their partners and walks couples through conflict resolution strategies so they can commit more fully to one another.

Check out Anthony Robbins’ Inner Strength Films!